Allow me to tell you something about love.
- Love is not jealous. If you feel burningly possessive of your boyfriend you are showing a lack of trust in him and lack of value in yourself. If he cheats, you're better off without him. You're worth more than a man you can't put your full faith in.
- Love is not obsessive. You don't need to know where he is every second of the day. He should not need to know where you are either. You're allowed to have separate interests and activities. In fact, you're likely to find that your relationship will be stronger for it.
- Love is not exclusive. By this I mean that you must continue to spend time with your friends and he should do the same. If you find yourself slowly becoming isolated from those you used to hang out with warning bells should be going off. This is a sign of bad things to come.
- Love is not violent. It's never o.k. if he hits you. It's never o.k to hit him. Period. If this happens tell me. Tell your father. Tell your best friend. Tell anyone you trust to listen. And get out because it will happen again and again and again.
- Love is not mean. Someone who loves you will not insult you or tell you are being paranoid or crazy. Love doesn't deride or downplay emotions. Love supports you and lifts you up. All too often evil words lead to evil actions. Don't let things progress that far.
- Love doesn't pressure. You need not rush a physical relationship. You have your whole life to learn about that part of love and if you are having sex, then please only explore those activities that you feel comfortable with. You don't have to try it all the first 6 months. You don't have to try it all the first 6 years.
- Love is silly and fun. If you can't laugh freely and be goofy with the one you love there is no point. It will not last. I promise you.
- Love changes. That passionate desperate longing you feel, that barely contained excitement, that need to be constantly touching the one you love.. that fades though not altogether if you're lucky. But that companionship and trust and silliness and comfort ... that goes on and on and on.
- Love grows. The love I felt for your father when we first met is nothing to the love I have for him now. I thought I couldn't love him any more than I did on the day I married him until I saw him holding you seconds after you were born. I thought I couldn't love him any more than that until I saw him holding both you and your sister in his arms. I thought I couldn't love him any more than I did so many times only to fall even more in love with him again and again.
- Love means compromise. Neither one of you should feel that you have to always put the other person first. Sometimes one of you gives a little more, sometimes the other. If you're always the one giving in you're relationship isn't healthy. The same if you expect him to always give in to what you want. It's a give and take.
Love freely my beautiful daughter but love safely. Do not ignore warning signs of possible abuse and work to keep your relationship a healthy one. Some days that is easy, some days not so much. But know that you are worth it and that when it is good, when love is right - it's magical.
I love you.